The Trap of Vague Goals

How Labels Like ‘Professional’ or ‘Attractive’ Keep You Stuck — and How to Redefine Them

When you get caught up chasing vague labels such as “professional” or “expert” without personalizing them, you end up on a race without end

Introduction

Recently, I exchanged sessions with another coach. I shared that ever since I started approaching my work ‘professionally,’ I’d had less time to enjoy my personal life. Right away, he asked me: ‘What does professional mean to you?’ And before I could answer, the image of my Dad flashed in my mind.

I realized I had never consciously defined what it meant to be professional - I was simply modeling what I had seen for eighteen years growing up. I assumed that being a professional meant being serious, focused, and always working long hours. And that assumption was burning me out.

Through his simple question, he pried a door of doubt open in my mind:

Were there other ways to be a professional that would let me serve clients and bring my playfulness in?

I’ve seen clients chase vague labels like these - or run from them - for years, without realizing what they mean. Often the ideas that hold the most power over are the ones we haven’t defined. Words like “slut,” “healthy,” or “expert” carry huge power in society, even if we have no shared understanding of them. 

Vague labels are dangerous because you can’t ever win. They create endless chasing — chasing approval, chasing an ideal, chasing a standard you didn’t set. Defining them on your terms is how you reclaim your energy and freedom. 

So let me share with you three of the most common ones clients bring to me and how we work with them: 

#1. The Mirage of “Good Enough” 

A woman recently told me, “I’ll charge a premium for my service when I’m good enough.” Knowing she had already been training and working with clients for years, I asked her exactly what ‘good enough’ meant and how she would know when she reached it. Like many women, the next level was always tantalizingly out of reach, motivating her to work harder. 

When I work with clients, they often have struggles that parallel my “professional” story. There’s no roadmap laid out for them in certain areas of life, especially their careers, where they’re forging a path themselves. 

That means that defining terms like “expert,” “professional,” and “good enough,” is an active effort. It means combining different types of criteria - such as objective measures or levels of skill, training, and feedback opportunities with a personal standard of excellence - and defining a gameplan for how to evaluate progress on the path to mastering something. 

‘Good enough’ may be a question of self-worth, but it’s also a question of measurement and putting a definition to a concept that holds power over you exactly because it’s vague and undefined. 

#2. The Rat Race of “Healthy” and “Attractive” 

“I eat healthy” is a common phrase I hear from women. When I ask what it actually means, the answer can range from eating chicken dripping in butter and then enjoying a “small” dessert to eating lettuce leaves and a walnut. Thanks to clever marketing, what counts as ‘healthy’ seems to change every few years, conveniently supported by ‘new science.’

So I prefer to ask women different questions: When you’re feeling great and your body is working its absolute best, what are you doing? How do you look, feel, and behave? What’s your lifestyle and mindset like when you’re in this state?

Similarly, many of my clients come in with a target of attractiveness. Whether it’s a size 2 dress, a weight target, or a certain number of dates with men, they want the outer result. And while I believe that the outer result is an important part of the transformation, the inner is even more critical. 

I love to ask my clients, “At what moments recently have you felt your most attractive? What was your emotional state, what were you wearing, and how did you move through the room and speak to yourself?” As they reflect, many women realize that the attractiveness they want to radiate is linked to a deep state of playfulness, joy, and confidence in their bodies (a red dress doesn’t hurt either). 

#3. The Challenge of the “The Good _”

The most taxing roles my clients play are often ones they never realized they took on: the “Good wife/mother/daughter/friend.” The “Good __” is often modelled on their own parents, social norms in their community, or ideals that no mere mortal could even live up to.

The “Good __” shows up most clearly when someone describes what they “should” or “have to” do, often with guilt or resentment. The problem is not just that many women don’t own the definitions of these roles - they’re not entirely sure who does and so they find themselves continually insecure or falling short. 

I sometimes suggest clients treat the role of being a “Good __” as a co-creation. To set clear standards and agreements with people in your life is often one of the most freeing things you can do. To realize that being a good wife doesn’t mean having dinner ready every night at 7 pm or that you’re responsible for your parents’ happiness. 

When it comes to defining what it means to be good in any role, I personally look to certain mentors. When I think of how I want to be as a girlfriend, a mother, and a coach, I keep in mind those I deeply respect and put words to what I notice them doing. 

As in earlier examples, breaking the spell of a vague label comes down to turning it into clear criteria and observable behavior.

Conclusion

When you define your labels, you stop running an endless race and finally give yourself a finish line. Instead of chasing someone else’s rules, you create a personal vision with clear standards you actually want to live by. And in that moment, you gain back your personal freedom. 

If you’re ready to stop chasing vague ideals and finally set goals that stick, download my Success Strategy Template. It walks you step by step through clarifying your goals and building a strategy that works —  whether you’re pursuing a fitness milestone or building the business of your dreams.