Why Your Metaphors Hold the Key to Personal Transformation
How your personal metaphors shape your choices, beliefs, and possibilities
Your metaphors are your invisible lens on reality, shifting your attention, choices, and the limits of what you can see
Introduction
In my mid-twenties, I lived in Manhattan and bounced from place to place like a pinball, driven by speed, urgency, and the constant sense that I’d never done “enough.”
If you heard me speak, I probably talked about “optimizing” my time, “churning out work,” or “squeezing more” from my schedule. The more I did, the more successful I felt.
If you listened long enough, you might have discerned my underlying metaphor for success: a factory.
But my factory had a few serious flaws:
It had no concept of “enough.”
It was optimized for productivity and efficiency, not happiness or creativity.
It valued speed and quantity over quality and renewal.
The worst part, however, was that I didn’t even realize I was living by this model until I hit a major burnout at 25.
During my recovery, I met a woman at a party who introduced me to a new way of thinking. When I asked about her work, she spoke about “growing” projects, “supporting her energy” through different activities, and “enjoying the season” she was in. Her metaphor was a healthy garden and I was floored to see how even with a newborn baby, she was deeply at ease.
Unlike my factory:
She managed her energy instead of just her time.
She tended each area of her life, letting growth happen organically.
She made space for cross-pollination between different parts of her life.
She enjoyed the beauty, changing rhythms, and curiosity that come with tending a garden.
That night, I realized the garden metaphor wasn’t just a description - she was verbalizing her underlying model for success. And as time went on, I began to recognize something important about the role of metaphors in my own life:
Every major perspective and life shift I made occurred with a change of metaphor.
My healing from Lyme disease came when a nutritionist shifted my way of thinking about the disease from a war against bacteria to restoring my neglected internal ecosystem, which led me to listen to the signals from my body and discover where I was out of balance.
My relationship with performing music shifted when I let go of the idea of performing to be judged and began thinking of each moment as my gift to the listener.
My creativity came alive when I stopped waiting for the “strike” of inspiration and started sitting for the muse, which shifted me from a state of impatience to one of trust.
Now when I find myself stuck, rather than waiting for a new point of view to come, I start trying on new metaphors to see what possibilities they open up.
The Power of Your Metaphors
In my work as a hormonal coach for women, I noticed a powerful collective metaphor: many women came to me saying they were “ready to eat clean” and “be disciplined.” Over time, I realized they were operating from a religious ascetic metaphor: striving for purity, giving up pleasure, trading “goodness” or worthiness for a future reward.”
Before I help a woman change her behavior or habits, we often explore her metaphors, because these hold the key to her model of the world. We explore how ‘clean’ can become ‘nourished’ - how eating can be a luxury of caring for her body, not an act of denial.”
And if you think metaphors are just thoughts - as I once did - you may be surprised to learn how deeply you embody them. Your gestures, postures, and sometimes even illnesses are metaphors speaking through your body.
About a year ago, I casually mentioned to a coach that my nose had been congested for over a week. She asked, “If your nose could speak, what would it say?” Without thinking, I said, “I don’t have any room to breathe.” At that moment, I understood I’d overbooked my schedule and had no breathing room for myself. As soon as I let go of a few commitments, my nose cleared up on its own.
How You Shift a Metaphor
When I work with women, I listen closely to the metaphors they live by. Do they believe they’re “aging like fine wine” or “wearing down”? Every phrase carries its own possibilities, beliefs, and focus.
As we explore the models behind their words, women become conscious of the assumptions and limitations they carry. As their grip loosens, we explore what they want to happen and how they want to feel, then begin trying on new metaphors that might fit better. Often, a “worn-down” car becomes a tree “deepening its roots” or a wine gaining “depth and value” with time.
A good metaphor opens new possibilities and brings your attention toward where you want to go. It often energizes and creates a lightness in your body.
If you’re ready to trade the metaphors that drain you for the ones that bring you alive, I’d love to explore that with you.
